Yesterday's rain

     My vision was blurred, and I couldn't see the last glimmer of light in my palm—a repressed, silent longing within me.

    I drew back the curtain that had been covering my eyes, and the candlelight flickered, so dazzling yet so lonely, as if it might be blown out by the passing wind at any moment. I carefully protected it with both hands, wanting its light to shine a little longer, a little longer… Ignoring the darkness beside me, the mockery around me, I only wanted that little bit of light. It was small yet immense, fragile yet strong. I stared at it, stared at it… as if time had stopped, frozen in that instant…

    I don't know how much time passed, but the clock ticked away. The light before me had become a dot, smaller and smaller, disappearing from my sight. I only remembered that enormous light flickering in my heart, while my vision remained blurry. I was lost… I groped, waited, felt lost, hoped, continuing to search for that same light, but I could no longer find it. I didn't know if my state of mind had changed or if the light didn't belong to the same one. I didn't want to distinguish anymore, didn't want to search anymore. Tears welled up in my eyes, soaking all the candlelight. I knew I couldn't go back.

    Gradually, I became afraid of the darkness, afraid of loneliness. I became like that small light, blown away by the wind, disappearing, drifting to another world after another. Finally, I saw clearly. I've not only guarded the light and feared the darkness, been carried by the wind to any place, watching people come and go, repeating the same routines. Now, I don't even have the courage to shed tears, afraid they're too heavy to carry away.

    Finally, I stopped to rest for a moment, letting go of all constraints, becoming lighter, freer, flying faster than before. I left that torrential rain in yesterday.

    Looking back, it's still a hazy scene, but I've already stepped out of that place of right and wrong, slowly walking towards yesterday…