Our story

 　　Meeting is for parting, and parting is for a better meeting, and I know you are my most beautiful meeting.

　　That year in high school was our first encounter. It wasn't a chance meeting like in novels or TV dramas. I remember you sent a text message to the wrong person; I don't remember the exact words, but I know you apologized. That was the first time I saw you face-to-face. Perhaps it was fate, but we later sat together and became deskmates. When I first sat next to you, I noticed you were crying. Being soft-hearted, I thought you were crying because you missed your previous deskmate or because you disliked me. I remember asking you why you were crying, but you didn't seem inclined to answer. I wondered if I was too annoying. I nervously said, "If you really dislike me, I'll tell the teacher I won't sit with you anymore." Not long after, you told me you weren't crying because of me, but because you had argued with your friend. At that moment, I thought this girl seemed much more fragile than other girls.

　　We have many, many beautiful memories from that time. Later, I was transferred, and you actually told me you were going to talk to the teacher to ask to be transferred back. I really wanted to go back, but I knew the more you asked, the less likely the teacher would agree, after all, he's the teacher. Sure enough, we weren't deskmates anymore. I don't know how you felt, but I felt a little lost. But thankfully, you were diagonally behind me, so I could still see you. Back then, I would wake you up every morning, it was our agreement (actually, I didn't want to wake another girl, but…). I don't know if you got up immediately after I woke you, but I know you always seemed to arrive later than me.

　　Finally, it was senior year. I knew you wanted to study hard because your family had high expectations for you, so I stopped talking to you and started talking to other people, always seeming indifferent to you. Then one day, you seemed angry. I didn't really know why you were angry, but later they told me it was because I was talking to other girls. I was a little shocked. You were angry because you liked me? I remember apologizing to you and making a completely useless promise. (I just wanted you to focus on your studies and not get angry over me.)

　　Back then, you would stay after evening self-study sessions to study for a while. I don't know what I was thinking, but I just wanted to see you more, so I started staying too. Because we wanted to spend more time with you, I could walk home with you afterward. Every night on the way home, you would chat with me, sometimes without saying a word. That's when I knew I was starting to understand you. I remember one morning around three or four o'clock, my phone suddenly rang. I saw it was your number and answered immediately. I heard you crying on the other end of the line. (I didn't know what had happened, but I knew at that moment I made up my mind that if I were with you in the future, I would never let you cry.) After you calmed down, you told me you had a dream that I was hit by a car and that I should be careful. I started to feel touched, not because you dreamed about me, but because a girl was crying for me.

　　High school graduation finally came, and you didn't do very well on the exam (I've never asked you about it all these years; was it partly my fault? I probably won't have the chance to ask you again). As for me? I guess I did alright. You started thinking about retaking the exam, and I really wanted to go with you, but I knew that if I were there, you probably wouldn't be able to concentrate, since I'm a very noisy person. So I decided to go to Chengdu to scout things out for you, to lay a good foundation for your future. The day you went to retake the exam, you gave me a few small notes with your thoughts written on them. It turned out you liked me that much too; I was overjoyed. It's still in my notebook today; it's been my pillar of support all these years.

　　Now I'm a freshman in college, a completely unfamiliar environment. I started to miss every moment we spent together, and I started to reject this new place. Slowly, I developed depression. Later, a friend told me that depression can only be managed by yourself. I was afraid you'd worry about me and it would interfere with your studies, so I never dared to tell you. Then you took the college entrance exam again, and I was really worried about you those days. I was afraid that if you didn't do well again, how sad you would be. After the results came out, you didn't tell me your score. I never expected you to start treating me like an outsider, but I knew you would eventually tell me. When it came time to fill out college applications, you seemed to have discussed it with me. I started to feel smug because I knew I could finally be with you. But the nightmare had only just begun. You were accepted to a university in Hainan. This news hit me like a bolt from the blue. I didn't know what to do; I was incredibly anxious. But I knew I couldn't panic. I couldn't let you see anything because you were probably even more anxious than I was.

　　You were a freshman, and I was a sophomore. That year, we began a long-distance relationship spanning over 1,800 kilometers. I had never been to Hainan, but I knew it was very hot there. I started to worry about you because I wondered if a girl would feel uncomfortable in a place she didn't know. Back then, you seemed to call me every night, sometimes for over an hour. That's how I started learning about your life through your phone. Finally, the May Day holiday arrived. I took the train from Chengdu to Haikou to see you. I started to get excited because I could finally go to see you. That year, I traveled for two days and one night to come here. Seeing you was such a happy thing. I even considered staying to be with you, but I knew I couldn't because I had so many other commitments. When I left, you saw me off at the station. I took a few steps and then turned back to look at you. I wished time could stand still at that moment. I really didn't want to leave. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to go.

　　Later, you were a sophomore, and I was a junior. We talked on the phone often, but mostly we argued. I started to reflect on what was wrong between us. Had I changed? Or had I spent too little time with you? I started to feel uneasy again. I was afraid of losing you. I was afraid that we wouldn't last long if things continued like this. I was even more afraid of being without you. So I started planning to go to Hainan to see you again. Due to time constraints, my trip wasn't very long, and we spent even less time together. In the end, I still couldn't find the problem between us. I cried again when we parted. I just didn't want you to see it. I still didn't want to leave.

　　Finally, you were a junior. I thought we could finally stop being in a long-distance relationship. I could finally be with you. From then on, wherever you went, I would go. It seems God always likes to play jokes on me. You told me you were going to pursue a bachelor's degree, and while I was reluctant, I still encouraged you to go and urged you to work hard. This year, we contacted each other much less. We didn't call each other every night anymore; sometimes it was once a week, sometimes once every few weeks, even once a month. Every call seemed to end in unpleasantness, sometimes even leading to heated arguments. Despite this, I still hoped we could meet and talk about our problems.

　　Finally, you came to Chengdu. I was incredibly excited when I heard the news. I couldn't wait to see you and tell you how happy I was. Finally, I'm back in Chengdu. I want to take you to so many places, to the places I always visit when I miss you, to walk the paths I've walked before, to relive them. I so wish this was a new beginning for us, I so wish we could go to that future together, I so wish this day would never come. But it still came; we finally took this step.

　　I don't regret knowing you, I don't regret loving you, and I don't regret anything I've done for you. I also want to thank you. You taught me to love, to give, and to overcome myself. You made me realize that I'm not actually that good, and that I still have a lot of room for improvement. I want to say goodbye to you here, my dearest one. Goodbye to those most beautiful times. Goodbye, my girl.

　　This is the story you wrote about us. I miss you, I really miss you. Will we ever go back to the way things were?