On "Loneliness"

 　　Is loneliness truly a bad thing? It's an essential part of your spiritual growth. Everything has its advantages and disadvantages, and loneliness should be viewed from both sides.

　　Recently

　　, a friend confided in me, mentioning that she sometimes feels lonely and even fears growing old alone. So she frequently meets up with friends to go shopping and eat out, constantly posts on social media, and buys things. Whenever she has time, she wants to go out with colleagues or friends to participate in activities, not wanting to be alone. Actually, I've been in this state for a long time; I was desperately seeking a sense of existence, constantly checking social media, meeting friends, attending various literary and artistic events, and trying to meet people with different personalities. I felt that if I stopped, I would be forgotten by everyone.

　　Colombian writer Gabriel García Márquez wrote in *One Hundred Years of Solitude*: "Life has never existed independently of loneliness. Whether we are born, we grow, we fall in love, or we succeed or fail, until the very end, loneliness exists like a shadow in a corner of life." Yes, loneliness is always with us. I've always believed in this statement, yet I also don't think loneliness is necessarily a bad thing.

　　"Loneliness is nothing more than love seeking acceptance but not finding it, and love is nothing more than discovering and comforting the loneliness of others." This is Zhou Guoping's description of loneliness. 

　　"After watching a movie I didn't understand, I looked around and saw others engrossed and absorbed, and suddenly I understood what loneliness is." This is Jimmy Liao's description of loneliness. 

　　"Loneliness is like a city floating in the sky, seemingly a secret, yet impossible to explain." This is Miyazaki Hayao's description of loneliness.

　　So, what does loneliness look like in your eyes? Humans are born to experience a solitary journey. On this journey, you will encounter all sorts of people, some good and some bad, some interesting and some boring, but from beginning to end, only yourself can accompany you to the very end.

　　Now, I feel like I've regressed to my self from many years ago, even my childhood self, enjoying solitude, staying home alone, tending to flowers, feeding fish, reading books, and listening to music. Weekends, these precious moments, make me feel very comfortable, relaxed, and at ease. In quiet moments, I can have a dialogue with my own soul and listen to the voice within.

　　Living in today's noisy society, many people gradually lose themselves after entering the workforce, forgetting their original aspirations and becoming someone they don't even recognize. But you can't force everyone to choose the same quiet and leisurely lifestyle as you. After all, everyone has their own social circle, work environment, and personality. Why should you demand that others live according to your perceived "correct" lifestyle? Everyone is a unique individual, and the only person you have the right to boss around is yourself.

　　Learning to be alone isn't about being withdrawn or completely socially isolated. It's about giving yourself some personal space outside of studying, working, and socializing. Humans aren't parasites; they don't need to depend on any external support to survive. It's about cultivating a strong enough inner self to cope with the realities of society when you're alone.

　　Loneliness

　　is a compulsory course in life; you can't escape it no matter what.

　　A friend ended a five-year relationship before Qixi Festival (Chinese Valentine's Day), but it didn't work out. I visited her the other day, and her state made me feel indescribably heartbroken. She used to greet me so warmly when I visited, running over from afar to give me a big hug. This time, nothing like that. I pushed open the door, and she was quietly sitting on the gray sofa against the wall.

　　I tiptoed in and said, "I'm here. I brought you your favorite fruit salad, I made it myself!"

　　Her expression was as calm as a still lake, completely undisturbed. Only when she saw me enter did a slight smile appear on her face. She said, "Thank you, have a seat."

　　I knew how much she had invested in this relationship, and I understood how heartbroken she must be. So I didn't force her to say more or smile more; that would be too much to ask. Just not crying was the greatest blessing for me. I tentatively asked, "Are you feeling unwell?" Her face was ashen, but she replied, "No, I'm fine, don't worry."

　　I pulled up a chair and sat beside her, holding her thin, bony hand. Heartbreak really does make you lose weight; in just over a month, I feel like I've lost more than just a few pounds. I looked at her with heartache, feeling like I was about to cry even though she wasn't. It's so frustrating how easily I cry… I wonder how many times she'd secretly cried in bed at night, how she'd eaten alone, how she'd soothe her sadness…

　　We sat there quietly, unspoken understanding between us. She began to tell me the reasons for the breakup. Halfway through, I interrupted her, saying, "I'm not really interested. I just hope you're okay and that it doesn't affect your work or life." I knew that if she recounted the story, it would just reopen old wounds, and that would be too cruel. A bitter smile appeared on her face, and she calmly shook her head, saying, "It's okay, I've moved on." Actually, I wished she could hold me and cry her heart out, letting go of all the unhappiness, or even yell at that jerk, venting her frustrations to make her feel better. But she did none of that. She leaned quietly on my shoulder, telling me the reasons for their breakup, the scene on the day of the breakup. I occasionally echoed her words without interrupting, as if she were talking to herself, but she would occasionally look up at my expression.

　　After listening, I realized that during those days, she was very strong, very vulnerable, and very lonely. Her loneliness wasn't hysterical, but rather subtle, quiet, and understated—a loneliness that emanated from within, giving a sense of desolation. This kind of loneliness is precisely the loneliness one experiences during the process of growing up alone. Zhou Guoping said, "Loneliness is man's destiny; love and friendship cannot eradicate it, but they can soothe it." At that moment, I deeply understood this statement.

　　In fact, loneliness is not about being alone; it's a state of mind, a feeling, a condition, a trial, and even a purification. I

　　remember

　　reading Liu Tong's book, "Your Loneliness, Though Defeated, Is Still Glorious," where he wrote about some of his personal experiences. One story in particular left a deep impression on me. 

　　He said that when he went to promote his new book, his schedule included visiting several schools and interacting with students. However, at the school he arrived at, the students were about to leave, and no one was interested in listening to his speech. He wanted to hear their thoughts, but everyone remained silent, eager to go home. Eventually, the teacher had to force-feed them questions. Liu Tong came up with a solution: everyone wrote down their most pressing questions on slips of paper. Initially, few wrote, but later, one student wrote about feeling lonely and having no classmates who liked to hang out with him, which resonated with the other students. Liu Tong didn't read the names aloud, only the questions, and offered his own perspective. As more and more slips of paper appeared, Liu Tong discovered that the most frequent question was about feeling lonely.

　　Later, 80% of the questions were about feeling inferior, lonely, and friendless—what should they do? It seems that loneliness isn't a feeling unique to some; it's a common experience, because most of us are ordinary people. And most ordinary people envy those who aren't ordinary—the glamour of celebrities, the power of those in positions of authority, the wealth of the rich, and so on. The root of this envy lies in not having a strong enough heart to accept one's own ordinariness, thus feeling lonely, even abandoned by the world.

　　Actually, I'm not trying to convince anyone to follow my point of view, because everyone's experiences, life, and circumstances are different. Let me borrow a quote from Qiu Wei to explain loneliness: "True commitment is lonely, true love is lonely. If one day you understand this kind of loneliness, then all the possessions and sacrifices in this life become meaningless, neither success nor failure, for they themselves are already glorious."

　　Loneliness is not a disease; it's a feeling everyone experiences during the growth process. Life is tough, so may you learn to accept loneliness, enjoy loneliness, enjoy life, and enjoy your journey.

　　...

　　A gentle, sunny day has something to say.