Daughter, why I won't let you marry a poor boy

 　　Daughter, I visited you a few days ago. You brought your boyfriend to me and said, "Dad, I want to marry him."

　　Later, I told you I disagreed because we're poor.

　　I can't forget the look in your eyes then, as if you were saying, "How can my father be so materialistic?"

　　I was speechless; nothing is more painful than being misunderstood by your own daughter.

　　Our generation hasn't enjoyed any comforts; we're always hesitant and timid. When your mother was pregnant with you, she was working night shifts at the hospital, afraid to take time off for fear of losing her bonus.

　　Poverty can affect a person's nerves and oppress their soul. Poor people always understand human suffering and the good and evil of human nature more deeply. It silently robs you of your dignity, which is not a good thing.

　　But the most terrifying thing about poverty isn't the lack of money, but the poverty of thought, the poverty of ambition, the inability to see a future in a person.

　　At this point, you jump up and ask me: "So what if we don't have money?"

　　No, in my opinion, his poverty stems from these four points:

　　01.

　　Poverty of Ambition

　　The other day, when I was face-to-face with you, I saw him standing next to you, his eyes darting around, seemingly a little guilty and lacking confidence. When asked about his plans for your future, he stammered and seemed directionless.

　　He said he didn't have money to buy a car or a house, and was afraid I would look down on him. Honestly, I didn't look down on him for not having money; I looked down on him for not having the ambition to earn it.

　　If you ask me, would I choose a millionaire or a poor boy from a farming family? I'll tell you, it's hard to say, believe me or not. So

　　what if he's poor? Everyone has been poor before.

　　But it's said that it's hard for children from poor families to achieve great things, and I disagree with that. Poverty isn't just about being born into poverty; ultimately, it's about a "poor person's mindset."

　　In his youth, he had the idea of ​​drifting through life aimlessly. Isn't there a saying? The worst thing is to live a mediocre life and then comfort yourself by saying that ordinariness is precious.

　　Everyone yearns for simple and beautiful love, but in real life, you can't spend your whole life eating in the cafeteria, going to the library, traveling on a shoestring budget, and staying in cheap hotels with him. Ultimately, you'll both have to face life alone. This person can't protect you, or even have that thought.

　　How can Dad be at ease?

　　A man isn't afraid of poverty, he's afraid of being content with being poor his whole life.

　　Your grandma told me about a method used to catch monkeys: you'd cut two holes in a wooden board, just big enough for a monkey's hand to fit through.

　　You'd put some peanuts behind the board, and when the monkey saw them, it would reach for them. But once its hand was clenched into a fist, it couldn't pull its hand back out of the hole. The board became a living shackle, and the monkey, clinging tightly to the peanuts, was kidnapped.

　　This story illustrates the ancient saying: "When the granaries are full, people know etiquette; when food and clothing are plentiful, people know honor and shame."

　　02.

　　Poverty of Mind

　　In this life, no matter how poor you are, you can't be poor in your mind.

　　Men are naturally slower to mature, and you're a child who matured early. I can't imagine you two being together.

　　You mentioned he loves playing video games, which isn't a big deal—Dad loves playing games too. But playing games shouldn't mean coming home from work, throwing down your shoes and socks, ignoring everything else, and then diving into the game while you still have to bring him tea and water.

　　You love reading and are smart; you've always been able to chat at gatherings with your aunts and uncles, and everyone praises you for being so clever.

　　But the boy sitting in front of me that day, to be honest, seemed empty-headed and speechless.

　　Everyone starts from the ground up; what makes us soar is our way of thinking. And life is often mundane and boring; what makes life interesting is simply one's mind.

　　The bond of marriage isn't children or money, but shared spiritual growth.

　　Dad remembers when you were born; all the other babies cried, but you were all smiling.

　　You've always been a cheerful girl, loved by everyone wherever you go, and Dad hopes you'll always be that cheerful.

　　03.

　　A Limited Perspective:

　　When his family asked him to go back home to build a house, you went with them. You said his family played mahjong every day. As soon as I heard that, I knew where his "poor man's mindset" came from.

　　And his iPhone and computer—why would he buy things beyond his means with his current income?

　　Lately, everyone's been talking about family of origin, right? Yes, we can't generalize about family of origin, but based on my forty-odd years of experience,

　　a person's family does influence their personality and future family values, to varying degrees, and it's already showing signs in him.

　　I saw a famous experiment where humans artificially hatched a flock of geese and swans. Someone put a swan into the flock and found that the grown swan couldn't fly.

　　You know, we're like those geese.

　　Our environment and education can bury and change us, especially in our childhood.

　　His family of origin led to a lack of awareness, resulting in a narrow perspective and a limited vision, making him a person in his mid-twenties who is still mediocre and unaware of his own shortcomings.

　　04

　　Economic Poverty

　　I know his family isn't well-off, but that's okay. This era has given many young people opportunities. As long as you're willing to work together, I believe you will definitely have a bright future.

　　But I heard that their family wants you to stay home after marriage, not work, and focus on raising children and taking care of your husband.

　　This family, not wealthy, still holds such deeply ingrained old-fashioned ideas—it sounds like tradition, but it's actually ignorance.

　　As a father, I don't understand their logic. I sent you to good schools from a young age, spent money on piano, English, and dance lessons, not expecting you to achieve great things, but I don't want you to live your life like this.

　　I don't want to see you and your future children so firmly bound by such outdated ideas.

　　Imagine being caught in the net of life, toiling in the fields, suffering from illness and hardship,

　　your situation worsening year after year. I'd rather you never get married; I could support you for life, than have you bowing and scraping to life at such a young age.

　　I've worked hard for decades, providing you with all kinds of education, trying to make you a better person, so you can have a better future.

　　These

　　are my four reasons for disagreeing with their "poverty."

　　When you were four years old, the adults jokingly asked you, "What kind of husband do you want to marry?" You said you wanted to marry someone like Dad.

　　You don't know, Dad doesn't want you to marry a man like me. Your mother suffered a lot following me.

　　Dad doesn't want you to suffer, but the probability of suffering with someone like that is ultimately quite high.

　　Dad hopes you'll always be a little princess. One day you'll find that Dad has also become hunched over, stooped, walking unsteadily, and speaking unclearly.

　　I hope that at that time, you'll still be a little princess.

　　In my life, Dad has tasted everything—the good and the bad, the successes and failures, the sweet and the bitter.

　　Honestly, even if I left this world tomorrow, I wouldn't have any regrets.

　　The only thing I'd regret is you.

　　Dad isn't materialistic; Dad just wants you to be well.

　　...

　　Wen Wan Qing Tian has something to say:

　　This article is not original; it comes from Reading with Style. Readers who, like me, enjoy this article are welcome to leave comments.