A dreamlike first love

 　　They were neighbors in the village, practically related. It was the mid-1980s, the time when the household responsibility system had just been implemented. Their two families, along with two others, formed a group and were allocated a cow by the production team to cultivate the land together. After school or on weekends, they often helped their parents with farm work, so they had a lot of contact.

　　At that time, he was fourteen, and she was fifteen, a year older. They were both attending junior high school in a neighboring village, and their parents arranged for them to go to morning and evening self-study sessions together, looking after each other. Both were in their teens, innocent and carefree, childhood sweethearts, and naturally, a special feeling developed between them. They always liked to be together, going to the river to see the willows, and talking by the haystacks in the wheat field under the moonlight.

　　His family had already built him a three-room brick house, preparing it for his future marriage; at that time, only the gate was installed, and the main room was filled with chopped cattle feed. Every evening after dinner, after finishing his homework, he would kick the back wall of her house three times. She would hear and come out, and then they would lie down on the soft hay and talk until late.

　　Later, he got into high school in town, while she stayed home to farm, and they could only see each other once a week. But every weekend when she came back, they would spend time together. They vowed never to be separated, he swore he would marry no one but her, and she swore she would never marry anyone but him, vowing to stay together for life.

　　But soon, news came. His father was the chairman of the trade union at a large state-owned enterprise in a distant city, and they met the requirements to change their household registration from agricultural to urban. This meant that she and her family would have to leave the village where they had lived for over ten years to live in the big city. From then on, they would be separated and unable to live together.

　　Hearing this news, they embraced and wept. She said she wouldn't leave; she would stay, wait until they all grew up, marry him, have many children, and live an ordinary life. He promised to study hard, get into university, and be assigned to a big city so he could bring her there and enjoy the sweetness of love together.

　　After all, they were just children, and the will of adults couldn't be defied. In the end, she went with her family to another distant city. At that time, transportation and communication were underdeveloped, and they could only communicate through occasional letters. Later, the letters became less and less frequent; her parents intercepted his letters, and their communication ceased.

　　Several years passed in the blink of an eye, and he was now a senior in college, about to graduate. After winter break, he found her city on a map. He lied to his family, saying he had to return to school a few days early, but instead, he took a train to find her. He searched for three whole days before finally finding her, staying in a simple little hotel each night.

　　When he arrived at her home, her family warmly welcomed him, even though they knew the purpose of his visit. She returned at lunchtime, accompanied by a boy. Nearly ten years had passed, but there was little interaction, barely a few words exchanged before he hurriedly left, unable to bear the awkward atmosphere.

　　Her second sister saw him off at the station, saying on the way, "We all know you two were good friends, but what's done is done. You're about to graduate from university, and the boy next to her is her boyfriend; they'll be getting married soon. Face reality and live your own lives." Tears welled in his eyes as he said, "How could I so easily forget the words I spoke, the vows I made?"

　　After graduation, he returned to his hometown to work. More than ten years passed in the blink of an eye. During that time, he married and had children, living a simple and happy life. They never contacted each other. He heard from other classmates that she had returned to her hometown a few times, but they never met.

　　As time went by, he missed his first love more and more, meeting her in his dreams many times; she still had the same youthful face. These dreams became more and more frequent, sometimes even becoming an obsession. Especially after turning thirty, his desire to know how she was doing grew stronger.

　　He even asked her close friends for her phone number and other contact information, but to no avail. A few days ago, the father of one of his junior high school classmates passed away. Many of them gathered to pay their respects, and the topic of her came up, but no one had any news of her. One classmate, knowing their connection and that they were from the same village, ordered him to find her contact information and forward it to the classmates, saying that at their age, they should maintain closer ties.

　　He considered asking her uncles back home for their numbers, but worried about causing misunderstandings. Back home, he racked his brains and finally thought of the internet. The internet is amazing; perhaps with its power, he could find her. He first found the website of the company she worked for and searched for her name, but found nothing.

　　Then he thought that every city and company has its own Baidu Tieba (forum), so maybe her company also had one. He entered her company's name into Baidu and found their Tieba. It was a little after 11 a.m. on a weekend morning, and he immediately posted a message saying that a classmate from his hometown was looking for her, including her name and his QQ number, hoping she would contact him after seeing it. Then he went about his business.

　　After lunch, he went back to his computer. The first thing he saw was a friend request on QQ. He immediately opened it and saw it was from a boy in her city. He quickly accepted and they started chatting. It turned out this boy was her son, and his mother was with him. He gave her his phone number, and she called. He was

　　truly grateful for the internet; after more than twenty years of searching, he had found her in just two hours by posting a message online. He could hardly believe it was real. He was incredibly excited, speaking rapidly as if a few words could encapsulate his longing of over twenty years. She was also quite excited. At first, they chatted for a long time, and she said she didn't know who it was. Later, she revealed that she had already guessed it was him, but had simply kept quiet.

　　She explained that while at work, her son called to say there was a post on the company forum looking for her, and on her way home, a colleague also told her about it. She rushed home to see who it was. Her husband had called her earlier, saying it was definitely him, as other classmates wouldn't be looking for her after all these years. At first, she didn't believe him.

　　When she went to work in the afternoon, he called her again, and they talked about their lives and family situations. He talked more about his longing and memories over the years. She said that she was now at this age and had no other thoughts; taking good care of her husband and son and living a peaceful life was the greatest happiness.

　　He could tell that she was doing well and didn't want him to disturb her peaceful life. Actually, he didn't have any other thoughts either; he just wanted to know if his former lover was doing well in another city after all these years. As long as she was doing better than him, he would be content.

　　They talked for a long time until she said her phone was about to run out of battery. He said they could stop when the battery died. Then the call suddenly ended, and he knew it was because her phone was dead. He reluctantly put down his phone, savoring the sudden happiness, but also the sudden and boundless loss.

　　He went to her son's QQ space and immediately saw her photo. She really hadn't changed much; she looked the same as she had twenty years ago, exactly like the one he had seen in his dreams. He saved the photos to his computer and spent the entire night staring at them, reminiscing about those bygone days.

　　First love is like a beautiful balloon; you can only hold it in your hand to admire and remember it. If you want to know what's inside, once you open it, it's broken, leaving only a few fragments and a sense of melancholy. Those past times will never return, and even if they did, they would never taste the same.

　　Late at night, he made his decision. He deleted the photos from his computer, her son's QQ account, and the number he had answered and called once from his phone. He decided to carefully wrap up that first love with pure love and place it in the deepest corner of his heart, never to look at it again.